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mental health is hard
Jul. 3rd, 2025 12:26 amSo, yeah... I haven't been very active here lately...
It's not that I have nothing to post. I do have a bunch of stuff I want to post about. That side project in early 2024 that involved hand-patching a FPGA bitstream to fix a vintage video card. The whole WiiU gamepad project, which is honestly quite fun too.
It's mostly just that my mental health has been pretty bad.
It's complicated.
Having to go job hunting certainly doesn't help, because that in itself is pretty depressing. But hopefully, this should be sorted out soon...
These things also hit sensitive spots for me. I have a long and complicated story. Sometimes it feels like the patterns I've learnt are well ingrained and that I'll never escape them...
I've tried several things before.
Antidepressants never really seemed to be terribly efficient. At best, they're a crutch, but they come with all sorts of not so fun side effects, too...
Therapy never really seemed to make a difference. It generally seemed to be superficial, and trying to address depression with logic... except depression doesn't listen to logic. Though I guess it depends on the type of therapy.
Someone introduced me to IFS therapy and I found it to make a lot of sense. I was even able to find an IFS therapist in my area. I got started in April...
This type of therapy goes deep. It hurts. It hurts because it makes me realize how deep everything goes. Parts of me see this and get scared and try to block the process. It makes me feel hopeless.
But it's also a chance to try and solve all this mess in a way that lasts, if I can get past that.
Hopefully...
It's not that I have nothing to post. I do have a bunch of stuff I want to post about. That side project in early 2024 that involved hand-patching a FPGA bitstream to fix a vintage video card. The whole WiiU gamepad project, which is honestly quite fun too.
It's mostly just that my mental health has been pretty bad.
It's complicated.
Having to go job hunting certainly doesn't help, because that in itself is pretty depressing. But hopefully, this should be sorted out soon...
These things also hit sensitive spots for me. I have a long and complicated story. Sometimes it feels like the patterns I've learnt are well ingrained and that I'll never escape them...
I've tried several things before.
Antidepressants never really seemed to be terribly efficient. At best, they're a crutch, but they come with all sorts of not so fun side effects, too...
Therapy never really seemed to make a difference. It generally seemed to be superficial, and trying to address depression with logic... except depression doesn't listen to logic. Though I guess it depends on the type of therapy.
Someone introduced me to IFS therapy and I found it to make a lot of sense. I was even able to find an IFS therapist in my area. I got started in April...
This type of therapy goes deep. It hurts. It hurts because it makes me realize how deep everything goes. Parts of me see this and get scared and try to block the process. It makes me feel hopeless.
But it's also a chance to try and solve all this mess in a way that lasts, if I can get past that.
Hopefully...
